A friend of mine told me about this book called "Positive Discipline" that teaches parents how to discipline there children positively. Being as Hailey and I have reached a point where discipling is now a battle, I became very interested. So I ended up buying the book and I've only made it halfway through the second chapter and I am already a believer.
This book isn't just about discipling your children, but helping them so they won't want to misbehave, well most of the time anyway. It teaches to be kind and firm at the same time. I didn't realize how saying something a certain way can change the out come of a child's behavior and your relationship with your child. You have to change the way you think in order to make this way of discipling work, but I think it will be worth it.
So far I've learned what the real definition of what being kind and firm means. It might sound obvious, but you'd be surprised at what you don't know. This Dr. Jane Nelson explains the negative effects of being too strict or too permissive and that it's important to find a balance between the two. She also explains that though punishment is effective at the time of misbehavior, it does have a negative effect down the road on the child. I've also learned a productive way to talk to your children, when they are upset or have done something wrong, to help them calm down, realize what they've done wrong and bring you two closer together.
I certainly do not serve this book justest by what I've written. I am so excited to read it when I get the chance. It gives me hope that there is a positive way other than spanking, yelling and timeouts to help my children understand when they are doing something wrong. No good mom finds joy in sending there crying child to the corner or spanking them when they've misbehaved. This book has been around for over 25 years. It's been updated and expanded since it's first edition and I am a huge believer in it. I recommend you buy it or check it out at the library. Start reading it from the very first page.
Oh and it does work. Hailey is a little too young for it, but my friend told me that her 3 year old son has done a 180 degree turn around and is a much more behaved child and that she enjoys being a mother much more now.
A few words from the author's web page:
THE KEY TO DISCIPLINE IS NOT PUNISHMENT,
BUT MUTUAL RESPECT
All parents try to do their best--but the best of intentions don't always produce the best results. Dr. Jane Nelsen, an experienced psychologist, educator, and mother, believes that children misbehave when they feel thwarted in their need to belong and in their need for love and attention. An authoritative approach, using phrases like "Because I said so!", will only lead to rebellious behavior. Instead, parents need basic principles that bring them and their children closer. They need Positive Discipline.
Dr. Nelsen explains that parents who use kindness and firmness to teach life skills will encourage self-respect, self-discipline, cooperation, good behavior, and problem-solving skills in their children. In Positive Discipline, revised and updated for the '90s, she shows all of us, parents and teachers alike, exactly how her practical program works--answering, step-by-step, such important questions as:
*What works better than punishment to teach children positive, good behavior?
*What mistakes do most parents make "in the name of love"?
*How can parents turn their mistakes into assets?
*How can praise be dangerous?
*What are the dangers of trying to be "Super Mom"?
*How can teachers avoid discipline problems in the classroom?
"It is positive! It works! It saves your sanity! And it is easy to share with others."
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